Blue Raspberry Flavored Shit

I actually haven’t written shit in over a year. I think I’ve been busy with something, but I have no idea what. I’ve been dicking around this whole time. Mostly watching Mega64:Cowpokez over and over again and imitating it. I don’t have a hobby horse, though, so I use a broom. And I’m scared I’ll get arrested so I just stand in the backyard flipping over the same table over and over again. Then I flip off raccoons and shit.

(This is what I actually do)

Anyways, I really like candy, I have no idea what I’d eat without it other than noodles and Korean BBQ, neither of which I can afford. There’s this one flavor I really hate, though, which is called blue raspberry. My friends are always so excited when I get a bag of Jolly Ranchers, always saying, ‘hey, give me the blue raspberry.’ I give them it but I don’t understand why the hell they’d want that piece of shit. It may taste good to them, but even if they tasted good to me, I still wouldn’t eat them.

You know why? It’s because I’ve got something special inside of me, something very special.

They’re called morals.

I don’t eat blue raspberry candy because I don’t eat contradictions. Eating contradictions ultimately will cause you to become a


contradictory person, just like most suspected murderers in Phoenix Wright.

You don’t want to become a murderer, do you? I sure don’t. That’s why I don’t eat anything blue raspberry. Things like Blue Raspberry Jolly Ranchers, Skittles, Laffy Taffy, Airheads. These are bad to eat, unless you want to fucking end up in jail for manslaughter.

Or taste bud slaughter.

Or just slaughter.


I actually don’t like normal raspberries too much either, but I have to admit, those blue raspberries in the picture look incredibly nasty.

Let me tell you a story about something I did one time that was really bad yet full of justice. Basically, I went to Safeway with some friends and found all the blue raspberry candy. Then I fucked shit up.

We crossed out the “rasp” in “blue raspberry,” effectively making it “blueberry.”

I’m a criminal, I know.

But the whole reason they did this blue raspberry shit was to get a blue candy on the market.

But for some reason they couldn’t think of a flavor, so they made up their own. When they think of “blue” and a “berry,” they think of fucking blue raspberry. WHAT ABOUT BLUEBERRY YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!?!? THAT’S A REAL GODDAMN BERRY. YOU CAN EAT IT IN REAL LIFE WITHOUT GETTING FOOD POISONING.

God, fuck blue raspberry.

I’m going to go listen to my Mulan soundtrack now, that always cheers me up when I’m thinking of dumb blue raspberries.



12 Responses to “Blue Raspberry Flavored Shit”

  1. 1 Kerry
    January 13, 2010 at 8:36 am

    I’m been angry over this for years and we friends think I’m crazy. It’s clearly a conspiracy. Death to blue raspberry!

    • 2 fuck you
      October 23, 2010 at 12:08 am

      okay first thing lean how to type you fucking moron. also your blue rassberry candies are awsome so go fuck your self with a rusty iron stick you faggot, and thats with two “g”‘s mother fucker
      PS: you have penis the sise of your mom’s XD

  2. April 20, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Fuck everything blue go BIG RED

  3. 4 beezus
    August 9, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    i love blue raspberrys

  4. 5 beezus
    August 10, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    still i love blue raspberrys

  5. 6 John
    August 21, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    Blue raspberries are real look it up dumbass.

  6. 7 Matt Helm
    August 31, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Here is a picture of real blue raspberries.

  7. 9 fuck you
    October 22, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    fuck you man i love blue raspberry csndy im eating some right now also beezus your awsome (just cuz your posted it twice)

    didnt know what to put at the end my dags name is ROLO!!!!!!!!!!! (like the chocolate)

  8. 10 haha
    January 28, 2011 at 12:42 am

    so its called blue raspberry because its raspberry flavoured.. but considering there are already TWO red candies, they wanted to make this one look different, to avoid confusion, thus adding blue coloring. calling it BLUE raspberry because of the BLUE coloring on the RASBERRY flavoured candy…

  9. May 17, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    OH, so because someone eats candy or even different colored candy to what they are naturally then they’re gonna become killers, Blue Raspberries are in fact real however not beinng sky/baby blue but more royal navy, i have never met someone to have so much hate inside them for just one candy, what the hell did Blue Raspberry ever do to you apart from taste extremely delicious, and another thing why does everything have to be so serious, people these days want everything to be serious and there is no sense of light heartedness or frivolity it’s really sad and people who live without fun,die.

    And thats my view on your wonderful blog

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