03
May
09

Gaming in the Backseat

I am a backseat gamer.

I love to sit behind people and watch them play games.

I love to tell people that they suck at the game and try to get them to stop sucking. Just like what I’m doing right now with my friend William, who is currently sucking ass at Fallout 3.

Boom. Headshot

Boom. Headshot

I don’t think of backseat gaming as a bad thing. Some people can’t perform any tasks in video games, I’m here to help them, tell them how to shoot, tell them how to use VATS, pick things up and how to exit the fucking room they’ve been stuck in for about 10 goddamn minutes.

I’ve had to show people how to open their item menu, how to loot a corpse and how to repair items. It gets so annoying.

“Where do I go next?” – Follow the fucking green arrow

“How do I equip an item?” – Press “B” mother fucker

“Where should I go now?” – Green Arrow, bitch!!

I actually had to clear a whole metro station for William. You know why? It’s because he was too scared of the ghouls living there. He makes backseat gaming so much less fun. It’s not even backseat gaming anymore, he makes

PRESS RIGHT TRIGGER MOTHER FUCKER

PRESS RIGHT TRIGGER MOTHER FUCKER

me take the wheel, turning the whole thing into just “gaming”.

Even a backseat gamer like me who loves to help other gamers be the best that they can be cannot cope with all these shitty questions. And the thing is, after asking a question, the same question will often be asked a few minutes later, in a different context.

How dah I shoot again?

How dah I shoot again?

1) “How do I equip weapons?”

2) “How do I equip my rocket launcher?”

3) “How do I equip my pistol?”

4) “Stop choking me please.”

William has one the best trigger figure out of all of my friends. Still, it takes quite some time for him to learn anything new (he gets about 5 kills per death in Counter Strike Source, but he still only has a 2:1 ratio, started crappy? I think so). Gears of War, Fallout 3, both of them were hard for him to handle even though I was able to pick up both of them quite easily on my first plays.

How do I open my map again?

How do I open my map again?

Autism? No.

Cancer? No.

Stupidity? Perhaps.

Or maybe he’s really smart.  A ploy to stop me from backseat gaming the fuck out of him and instead just playing with him watching.

I mean, I play Fallout really fast and awesome, so it’s understandable. 10mm Pistol+Ghoul’s head.

It’s quite lovely.

My equations are harder. Experimental MIRV+8 nuclear missiles/Power Armor x Altitude= Bloody Mess, without the perk. Delicious.

-Chae out

P.S William will kick your ass at CounterStrike Source, no fucking joke.

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5 Responses to “Gaming in the Backseat”


  1. 1 Spambot Dan
    May 4, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    HEY GUYS CHECK OUT SOME SEXY LADIES AT http://www.takkle.com/photos/114742/-/member/6944593

  2. 2 nicky
    May 4, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    …what the fuck?

  3. May 6, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    ALRIGHT DUDE, WE ARE SO CSSING ASAP

  4. May 6, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    this made me laugh my ass off

  5. 5 kechu
    May 20, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    DAMN THOSE ARE SOME HOT WHORSES


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