01
May
09

Swine Flu? Pshaww.

Hey! Listen,

People all over the world have reason to stop fearing any type of swine flu.  We all have reason to stop slaughtering the pigs and begin to deal with this new threat. Put away your frying pans, oil and other parts of a complete breakfast because we’re no longer hunting the bacon. I suggest a wooden stake because we’re dealing with…

“Vampire Flu”

Dont be distracted by his amazing counting abilities.

Don't be distracted by his amazing counting abilities.

Yes my friends, “Vampire Flu” is even more dangerous than “Swine Flu”, the reason being “Vampire Flu” comes with vampires. The whole Twilight cast will follow you home and kick your ass, the Count could do the same. But you can keep yourself safe. The best weapon would be holy water, that’s water blessed by a priest, blasted out of one of these:

The Ultimate Vampire Killer

The Ultimate Vampire Killer

Now, I know it seems like that would be hard to come by, but of course, I’m way ahead of you. I’m marketing bottled holy water, right now!!

$1.59!

$1.59!

A really great strategy is to take the vampire to an Epik High concert. The vampire will be so caught up in the phat beats being laid down that he would not notice you spiking his drink with holy water. Rush him to the ER after he takes a sip and then hold his hand and cry as his heart continues to not beat and he dies. Then, go to Chuck E. Cheese.

Where a grown man can celebrate a vampires death!

Where a grown man can celebrate a vampire's death!

Vampires are also quite weak against pointy sticks, like, just off any tree. These “stakes” can be found on the ground usually, or at Outback Stakehouse, I guess they have some stakes there.

This is a good place to take vampires to eat.

This is a good place to take vampires to eat.

Vampire flu is ranked number 1  on “What will fucking kill us all”, so seriously, you get vampire flu, you are responsible for the vampire that comes with it.

Don’t be a douche, don’t make this guy have to deal with it, he’s already busy dealing with all the other douchebags who can’t take care of their own vampires.

-Chae beaming up

Yah, this guy

Yah, this guy

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1 Response to “Swine Flu? Pshaww.”


  1. 1 nicky
    May 1, 2009 at 11:53 pm

    u guys r so silly


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