25
Dec
09

Christmas

Merry Christmas to the 2 or 3 people who ever read this.

I still haven’t gotten off my lazy ass and posted anything good, meaning my 2 or 3 readers has probably dropped to 0 or 1.But OH WELL.

Let me tell you something about Christmas. It’s about giving people expensive gifts.

That’s it.

Some of my quote: “smart friends” (double quote) call this holiday (Christmas, not Chan Ukh Hah) “American Consumerism Day.”

This is why I said quote (actually, double quote). It’s because I was quoting someone. I didn’t actually say they were smart, someone else did (probably another quote: “smart friend” (double quote)) (double parentheses).

These guys are fucking retards.

On every calender, the 25th of December is listed as “Christmas.” (quote) The word “Christmas” (quote) is the correct spelling of the word “Christmas.” (quote) I know for a fact that in America, you spell “Christmas” (quote) “Christmas” (quote).

These quote: “smart friends” (back to double quote) of mine cannot even spell “Christmas.” They’re spelling it “American Consumerism Day.”

Damn, I’m too tired to post.

I’m getting my Jewish friend something.

I’m engraving a baseball bat with “The Bear Jew.”

-Santa

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21
Dec
09

Short Reassuring Post

I’m still here, I’ve just been busy.

This post isn’t here to provide humor or put a smile on your face. It’s only here because I haven’t posted for like 2 weeks.

That’s a long time.

In dog years, that’s about seven millenniums, meaning your dog could die at least five billion zillion times in the time I haven’t posted.

That’s a lot of deaths.

Almost as many deaths as hits I get from “ash ketchum naked.”

Oh! Zing! That’s a good one.

Expect a better post tomorrow, it’s 2AM in Florida and I feel like a goddamn snorlax.

Bout to go catch me some Zs.

Providing I have enough Pokeballs.

-JH

01
Dec
09

How I get hits

Most of my posts get zero views a day.

Some of them get one view or two views, probably by luck.

But the post that gets almost all of my hits is simply titled “Ash Ketchum”

People get to my Ash Ketchum post through the search engine in the upper right hand corner of the screen, searching some normal things, and some very strange things. People get to my blog searching for:

“Ash Ketchum” – Not too strange to be searching Ash Ketchum. Maybe you’re a little kid whose a big Pokemon fan, this search term is fine and I get a lot of hits from it.

“Heart Gold Screenshots” – Always a lot of excitement when a new Pokemon game is coming out. I mean, who doesn’t want a little preview of a game they’re excited for? Got a few hits from this.

“Ash Ketchum Naked” – This is where things get weird. I have no idea why the hell they’re searching this on WordPress of all places. I’m also not sure why the hell they’d like to see the constantly high asexual 10 year old without clothes on. He hasn’t even hit puberty yet you sick fucks. I got far too many hits from this search term.

“sexy naked pokemon pics of misty dawn” – Self explanatory, only 1 hit from this. (phew)

“may misty dawn” – I’m not sure what to think of this one, it could be innocent, or it could be a search for porn. Only 2 from this.

“pokemon porn” – What a straightforward guy, the man who searched for this knew exactly what he was looking for. But he didn’t find it. I feel bad for him.

“Naked Ash Ketchum” – Imagine how many hits I would get if there were actually pictures of Ash Ketchum naked. I’d be like Cracked, except with naked little boys!

Only one search term had nothing to do with Pokemon, that was “fucking jc penney.”

I’m really curious about why this guy hates JC Penny. I probably won’t be able to sleep tonight. It’s fucking keeping me up.

Not so much of a humor post today, I’ll have something better tomorrow, just thought it was kind of weird that 99% of people get to my blog searching for naked 10 year old Pokemon masters.

I’m off to go watch Mulan II again, it really helps when I want to vomit everything I’ve eaten for the past month out on the floor, very bad movie.

But it’s cool, Mulan I takes Mulan II and hits it in the balls with a sledgehammer while boiling it in a pot of its own tears.

Enough is enough,

-x_____________ out

asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfadogssdfasdfasdfasdfasdfsadfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf

 

 

 

29
Nov
09

Blue Raspberry Flavored Shit

I actually haven’t written shit in over a year. I think I’ve been busy with something, but I have no idea what. I’ve been dicking around this whole time. Mostly watching Mega64:Cowpokez over and over again and imitating it. I don’t have a hobby horse, though, so I use a broom. And I’m scared I’ll get arrested so I just stand in the backyard flipping over the same table over and over again. Then I flip off raccoons and shit.

(This is what I actually do)

Anyways, I really like candy, I have no idea what I’d eat without it other than noodles and Korean BBQ, neither of which I can afford. There’s this one flavor I really hate, though, which is called blue raspberry. My friends are always so excited when I get a bag of Jolly Ranchers, always saying, ‘hey, give me the blue raspberry.’ I give them it but I don’t understand why the hell they’d want that piece of shit. It may taste good to them, but even if they tasted good to me, I still wouldn’t eat them.

You know why? It’s because I’ve got something special inside of me, something very special.

They’re called morals.

I don’t eat blue raspberry candy because I don’t eat contradictions. Eating contradictions ultimately will cause you to become a

Incorrect

contradictory person, just like most suspected murderers in Phoenix Wright.

You don’t want to become a murderer, do you? I sure don’t. That’s why I don’t eat anything blue raspberry. Things like Blue Raspberry Jolly Ranchers, Skittles, Laffy Taffy, Airheads. These are bad to eat, unless you want to fucking end up in jail for manslaughter.

Or taste bud slaughter.

Or just slaughter.

Correct

I actually don’t like normal raspberries too much either, but I have to admit, those blue raspberries in the picture look incredibly nasty.

Let me tell you a story about something I did one time that was really bad yet full of justice. Basically, I went to Safeway with some friends and found all the blue raspberry candy. Then I fucked shit up.

We crossed out the “rasp” in “blue raspberry,” effectively making it “blueberry.”

I’m a criminal, I know.

But the whole reason they did this blue raspberry shit was to get a blue candy on the market.

But for some reason they couldn’t think of a flavor, so they made up their own. When they think of “blue” and a “berry,” they think of fucking blue raspberry. WHAT ABOUT BLUEBERRY YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!?!? THAT’S A REAL GODDAMN BERRY. YOU CAN EAT IT IN REAL LIFE WITHOUT GETTING FOOD POISONING.

God, fuck blue raspberry.

I’m going to go listen to my Mulan soundtrack now, that always cheers me up when I’m thinking of dumb blue raspberries.

-재훈

22
Jun
09

I’m sorry.

that i haven’t posted in a while. Gotcha didn’t I?

Well being a 14 year old means that you can legally get a job. Yesterday was my first day at work. Just let me tell you, being a cashier is boring. I tried to finish watching Borat, but my “boss” said it was unprofessional. I got up to the part were Borat and Azamat were fighting, naked. Sascha Baron Cohen is amazing. I can’t wait for Bruno. Back on topic, it was very dull. The most interesting thing I saw was a couple. Yesterday was father’s day right?

Man: Is today father’s day?

Me: Yes it is.

Man: I am a father.

Women: No you’re not.

Man: I will be.

*Man slaps his lady’s ass. I laughed inside my head.

As you can see that was the most interesting thing. Being a cashier sucks. FML. Go to school. Don’t do drugs. Or else you’ll end up being a cashier.

13
May
09

People I Would Like To Meet… (Part 1)

Sorry for the limited amount of posts recently.

I’ve been sick and sleeping all day. o.o;;;

So, people I would like to meet,

Sinbad: Legend of the Several Badass Sailors on a Boat

First of all….

Sinbad.

This guy is the most badass sailor ever. Watching his movie is like watching Jason and the Argonauts except Sinbad goes on his quest to find a book, not golden fleece.

This guy goes through hell (literally) to find this freaking book which apparently has the sun inside of it. He fights water whores, a giant turtle and an Articuno all while hitting on some other guy’s future wife.

The best fight was with the Articuno. Sinbad’s girlfriend got picked up after the god of Chaos decided to be a douchebag and make the water around his ship freeze. Sinbad shot himself out of a giant crossbow and then stabbed the mountain with knives until he got to the top. Then, he grabs the girl and snowboards down the mountain, without a snowboard. The Articuno gets buried in rocks and Sinbad rushes off.

Rock throw only does 50 damage, though.... BADASS.

Rock throw only does 50 damage, though.... BADASS.

Then, Sinbad uses his crazy kickassness to make his boat able to fly to the realm of chaos. That’s at the end of the earth, where about 5000 ships have fallen off and died, but not his, his ship is held up by the power of several burly men and one Mexican guy who can fly.

And a dog. A dog strong enough to hold back several burly men when they want to go have sex with water whores.

Those are whores, made of water.

If I could meet Sinbad, I would fist bump with him. Then, we’d hit up Chuck e’ Cheeses.

Where a man can be a man.

-DongSaeng out

(I’ll be out from today to Sunday. Come rob my house.)

10
May
09

one day with an iPhone. . .

So my cousin went out and I was stuck in Puyallup, which sucks without the fair (I’m fucking serious). He said I could play with his iPhone. In about 5 minutes, I promptly and accidently fucked it up.

whorse feeder v2

Exclusive screens of my new iPhone app, Whorse Feeder V2 (Version 1 pending) I hope it gets through the app-screening process.

Apparently he used some kind of fake orange thing to put on his T-Mobile SIM card. I updated his iPhone and fucked it up. It’s kind of ironic, since an update is supposed to update not downdate. :( However I managed to put like a shitload of apps. I’m going to review some of them.

PapiJump

Mr. Papi

PapiJump has shit graphics. I’m not kidding.  I guess the guy who made this was like gameplay>graphics. You just jump up. Tilt to turn. However after playing PapiJump for an hour straight. I have to say, it’s fucking addicting. One of the worst things about this game is that it’s so addictive, I might get carpal tunnel.

Another game made by the same guy is PapiRiver, in which Mr. Papi floats down a river it’s basically PapiJump, except he’s going down. How fucking original.

Next I played PapiLand which is basically 3D PapiJump. But there’s a twist! You have to eat hamburgers to pass stages. I don’t think the weight he loses jumping, makes up for all the burgers he eats.

PapiCatch is basically Mr. Papi trying to catch an infinite amount of hamburgers by touch or tilt. The creator is what a creator should be, creative. His games are fresh and new and exciting.

Oh wait there is more originality. There’s PapiMissile where he does not eat hamburgers, and instead shoots missiles at other missiles. :l Oh yeah, there’s 3 Mr. Papi(s) in that game.

Another exiciting game from the creators of all the fucking Papi games is PapiPole, where Mr. Papi stands on a pole and tries to eat hamburgers.

Seriously, Mr. Papi go on a fucking diet, or else your next game will be about losing weight.

Facebook is a pretty cool app, but you can’t play Pet Society on it, and Pet Society is what Facebook was made for, so it kind of ruins the point. :(

I also tried FMyLife(Fuck my life) which is basically the website condensed into a iPhone-friendly app. It’s a great time waster since I wasted 1 hour on it.

Google Earth for iPhone is pretty amazing, but it lags quite a bit. It’s not as amazing as it is on the computer. It needs more amazing.

Heh, I almost broke the iPhone playing BubbleWrap. Too bad I suck at it.

Finally, my favorite game is undoubtly Tap Tap. Tap Tap is like DDR for your fingers. Just like in DDR if you use two dancepads, if you play two player mode as one player, you’re hard to the fucking core. It has pretty trippy graphics too. One of the worst things about this game, is that it has a 3OH!3 song. They’re fucking horrid, but also pretty catchy. I have “shush girl, shut your lips do the hellen keller and talk with your lips” on repeat in my head.

The iPhone is pretty cool I must say. However it’s not that fucking great. iPod touch+Cell phone = cheaper. The only thing I learned is to never trust a ho.




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