Being Korean

Hey, sorry there was no post yesterday

I’m a Korean. I love Korea. I love Korean food. I love Korean girls. I love Korea in general. Being Korean is great, it’s a little like, what do you call it, oh yeah,

A coincedence? I think not.

Oh yeah, I also love Starcraft. All Koreans love Starcraft. It’s the national sport there. What do you do if you live in Korea and also hate Starcraft? Simple, don’t live in Korea.

BUILD MORE PYLONS, SON

Hm. So, Korean parents, like all other Asian parents, care so very much about grades. So much, actually, that they seem like pylons, which are basically the foundation of a Starcraft society. To construct anything, you must first consruct those mother fucking pylons.

A+ MOTHA FUCKER

“Ohh… So you want to ‘chill’ with your ‘homies’, eh? WELL CONSTRUCT PYLONS FIRST, DAMMIT!!”

I’m pretty sure my mom said that to be once, actually, except instead of “construct pylons” she said “get your grades up”. See what I mean?

Also, Korean parents seem to lean towards girls a bit more, I don’t know how that’s like Starcraft, unless a girl is represented by an Ultralisk. Backed by the power of two angry Korean parents, you don’t want to mess with one of those.

Being Korean is about as fun as playing Starcraft. Since there aren’t that many Koreans, hanging out with someone who burns with Korean pride makes people feel unique. I bet there are less than 10 Koreans at my school. Half of them are probably boys. So if girls are looking to be original, I’ve got a 1 to 4 chance they’ll ask me out first, sweet.

A Korean girl - don't worry, they get better with age

Yup, that’s right, I want to be asked out by a girl. You see, Korean guys are shy as fuck. They can’t ask a girl out with turning so red, they stop looking Korean and start the Native American flow. That’s the number one reason all the girls we like go off and get hitched with white guys and we get stuck behind sucking dicks in the McDonald’s bathroom, hoping a girl will accidentally walk into the stall and you’ll fall in love. Which of course, never happens because even though girls love McDonald’s bathrooms, they’ll somehow get the idea you’re gay because you’re sucking men’s dicks there.

This is weird to me since even though I do the most retarded things, I can’t talk one-on-one well with any girl except my mom. My mom is not a love interest. Neither is my little sister or any of my older sisters. I can have one-on-one talks with them, but no, when Korean people are  born (anywhere), Kim Jong Fucking Il comes can takes there ability to talk with girls away, you know why? Because he didn’t become a movie director, that’s why. Similar to why Hitler became what he became, he got rejected from art school. Art school, man, chill out, there’s no reason to kill like 10 million people.

Missiles Versus Aliens, Rated G, by Pixar and Kim Jong Il

Just give Kim Jong Il a movie deal! Maybe he’ll stop playing with nuclear bombs and being a dictator and shit. Come to think about it, a movie by him would be great. It would be called “Missile+House” and that’s all it would be for 90 minutes. Film of the fucking year.

Oh wow, look  what happened to the Ultralisk! See? It was just a phase.

Ask me out. Oh yah, you can't, bitch

Hmm.. To finish this post up, lets talk about the name “Chae”, the name given to me by my parents.

Well, it’s a girl’s name.

I think that explains itself.

-Dong Saeng out